You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
