guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
