the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
