just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
