that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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