I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
