fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
