Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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