I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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