Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
