I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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