you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
