I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize