I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
