I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
