all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Boobs speak an international language.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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