I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
