Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
