I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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