i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize