is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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