i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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