i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
