did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
