oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
