It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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