Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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