not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize