So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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