Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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