I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
