Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
