Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His nipple licking is glorious
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