I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
