I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
