dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
