how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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