kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
