So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Fuck appropriateness.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
