Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
