the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
