we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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