i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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