do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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