update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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