she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
