Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
