I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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