Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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