Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
