No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
