Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
