I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
