So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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