i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
