Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
