i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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