Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
