Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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