My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
