all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
