Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
