I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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