i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize