Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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