One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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