I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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