Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
