Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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