He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
