eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
