wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
