Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
