I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
