Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
