I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
