You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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