we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
