This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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