Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
