Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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