last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
