My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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