Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You took a bar mat shot.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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