you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
