My room smells like vodka and shame
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
