Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
