so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
