I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
