Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
