I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
