i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
