Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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