my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
