so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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