So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
