Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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