Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
