I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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